TheWall (2022-2023)

The entity formerly known as Management, having been demoted to the position of Third Mailroom Clerk In Charge of Misdirected Meat Advertising Circulars, Religious Pamphlets and Holiday Newsletters respectfully, and with great timidity, wishes to inquire after the health and well-being of Staff.

The Third Mailroom Clerk In Charge of Misdirected Meat Advertising Circulars, Religious Pamphlets and Holiday Newsletters is feeling uppity and reminds Staff that it should update.

Management notes that Staff is being coy. Normally Management would be approving, but finds such behavior to be unseemly in this case.

Staff will receive a raise if and when Staff demonstrates competence and the ability follow directions to the satisfaction of Management. Thus far Management has not observed any behavior that might induce Management to part with its hard-won capital, particularly in this economic climate.

Management grudgingly concedes that perhaps a minor increase in compensation is warranted by Staff's expeditious response to requests by Management - even if Management was compelled to ask twice. Contingent upon continued compliance with Management's highly unreasonable demands Staff may expect to receive an extra ration of gruel on alternate Thursdays and may, every third beating, request that the mace be used instead of the flail.

Management, feeling uncharacteristically magnanimous as a result of sleep deprivation, has decided to grant Staff's request for a promotion. Henceforth, Staff will assume the duties of Coital Colleague. Management notes, however, that a compensation increase is not forthcoming, and suggests that C.C. count its blessings.

Management can hardly be expected to turn away the offerings of the staggering, the sated and the grateful. It is hardly her fault that she is that f***ing good.

Management is hardly surprised that Staff-C.C. is at a loss. This is why Management is Management and Staff-C.C. is responsible for fetching coffee.

Perhaps Management would not have a narcolepsy problem if Staff-C.C. were more dedicated in its duties. Management can hardly be expected to waste precious minutes instructing subordinates in the basics.

Management has marked its calendar and is waiting impatiently. Management expects to be impressed.

Management is very fond of Staff. Perhaps so much so that Management will consider additional promotions. Start date February 13.

Management respectfully requests that Staff please make every effort to return posthaste as Management, in the grand tradition of supervisors, is confounded without the input of Staff on such matters as sustenance, laundry and the toting thereof and acceptable dinnertimes.

Management regrets to inform Staff that, due to budget cuts necessitated by Management's prior profligacy and penchant for uppers, Management's brain has resigned. Effective immediately.

Management says it in full voice to Staff. Because Staff sure does know how to pull out all the stops.