BaronAaronK (2022-2023)

The details of my life are quite inconsequential. Very well, where
do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie
owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant
for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute
named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize,
he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented
the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being
lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess
and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in
Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets.
When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten
with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received
my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named
Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing
like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

Ranks = 2005 Chiashu %s for all except Columbia, Cornell and Chicago which are 2004.

Estimated all sent dates and Cornell, GULC and Columbia received dates. Figure they're about right and a few days difference won't throw anyone way off.

11/23 Got acceptance letter from Georgetown! No big packet, just a cream colored envelope. I think everyone gets a handwritten note at the bottom.

12/2 UVA status changed to decision. Also withdrew from GW.

12/8 UVA acceptance! Letter, just like GTown. I should've gotten it 12/7 but apparently the mailman gave it to my neighbor and she only discovered that today.

12/21 In at Penn! Dean Meeker called, said he loved my PS.
Also in at NW! They sent an email at 5 pm.

12/24 Received packet with letter from Dean Meeker (he wrote Join Us! at the bottom of the letter), law school guide and Philadelphia magazine from Penn

1/18 Duke needed additional information regarding my UG disciplinary record. Not sure if this is good news or bad news.

1/19 Michigan rejection. WTF?! Hopefully it's just yield protection.

1/20 Got another packet from Penn. No sweatshirt/t-shirt though. UVA/NWestern/GTown, this is your chance to get a leg up on the competition.

1/23 Deferred at Harvard. I'm still alive!

1/28 In at Cornell! Smallish packet, almost letter sized.

1/31 Got Northwestern packet. Nicer than Penn but still no apparel.

2/1 GTown Law packet. Not really too much info. And no t-shirt or anything.

2/3 Ding ding ding at Columbia. Small envelope. They "couldn't take favorable action" on my app. Whatever, I wasn't really planning on going there anyway.

2/6 Yale dinged me. Not a big surprise there.

2/27 Nice binder from GULC. About time schools started sending me stuff again.

3/1 Put on hold at U Chicago. I think I'm gonna do the book report essay.

3/6 Got my Cornell packet. Very professional, but no clothing >:-(

3/18 Come home from Spring Break, UVA is giving me $$. Make money money make money money money.

3/31 Withdrew from Duke. Sick of waiting, they wouldn't give me money, and I wouldn't end up there anyway.

4/8 Got back from UVA Law, someone FINALLY decided to get me a t-shirt. No wonder I'm probably gonna go there.

4/11 Withdrew from GULC.

4/12 Withdrew from Cornell and Northwestern.

4/20 Penn offered me money, but it wasn't enough to override how much I liked UVA. So go Hoos!

6/1 Rejected at Harvard. My long national nightmare is over. Fuck Harvard, Wa Hoo Wa!